It took a long time to figure out that I could just cheerfully respond, Why do you ask? In a friendly middle-class-lady voice, (almost as if I hope they are going to tell me something wonderful!). Are you planning something?. Instead of making it easier for people to say no, people find it makes it harder. I just want to say I appreciate that, you know, you havent started charging your daughter rent, etc. Im glad its not a way to get rid of someone/blow them off without saying so. Am I supposed to answer? If you have plans, just say so. 22. It forces the manipulators to cough up some version of their agendas, and galvanizes the friends with vague plans into issuing an actual invitation. Cant. My Kid: No (shuts door) 30+ funny good morning memes to send to your family and friends You dont need to read their minds as to what they mean, suss out what they mean next, or throw up defenses against prying nosiness; most of the time, it will not be necessary. Im relearning advanced math as an adult because it seems fun and Im bitter that I grew up in an atmosphere that discouraged me from learning. 3. It shows that you're a calm and cool person who is easy to talk to and has no problem whether someone says hey or hello. Since youre not busy, do you want to go to [event] with me? They dont ask if you want to do the thing and then you are able to tell them (and if you were busy, youd probably mention that when declining). LW here. There are also times my kid can ask for help, and *I* dont get to say, eh, no, Id rather read a book. Not if I want to consider myself her family. I think people are missing the fact that LW is talking about some instances of this running down lines of power and dominance, which is why this is such a problem. While having to put up with gday, mate lacks the structural oppression of whats aimed at POC, it is still annoying. And I had to say to her, over the airport thing: Act like a grownup. It avoids (in their mind) making the person feel pressured to commit if they dont actually want to. I ask this question all the time. So yeah, I think your Swedish approach is fairly standard for American culture as well. "When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark." 2. You (if you are up for it potentially) yeah, thatd be fun You know the people youre interacting with and their likely motivations better than we do, of course. BUT! Specific questions and order thereof arent quite the point. Or at least, it will be seen as rude by many people that I know and had had this conversation with. Its just that nobody expects a stranger or lesser known acquaintance to actually want to answer the question literally. I kind of resent that you assume I will tell you. Agreed I dont think that the question signals the other person should do all the planning, i think its a way to judge how willing and able they are to hang out sometime in the immediate future. I like your point that it does actually give people the outyouve put it in their minds that they can say Im busy., Its what I dothough I often try to say the thing first (Want to go to a movie? Once in a college class, we had a group of students who had American parents but had grown up in other countries come and talk to us about the experience of having a foot in two cultures. Like now? If the emphasis is on you its just a greeting. For an acquaintance, depends. There are variants but this one is always appropriate in all situations. (I am also not her only parent, so I dont get to act unilaterally. It can often be an explain why youre a POC kind of thing in many countries with white majorities, and seen as a whole (its a super widespread phenomenon) it shows how far away our societies are from truly accepting themselves are diverse. I mean, where are you REALLY from, but whats up is harder, since nothing/dont know tends to elicit a why not? or you should be/do more fun! And I dont know what to say to that, because no just seems rude and I didnt invite them to improve my life. A possible script: Sorry, Aunt, if I dont do laundry this weekend, Im not going to have any clean clothes. Shell show up at your house again, or track you down partway to school. I think w/ friends, if youre open to the getting together, you can say, Were you thinking of trying to get together? in a hopeful tone. I want collaborators, not pupils. In my experience, soft invitations are never meant. And take LWs at their word, maybe? It follows the script they want, which is that the person they are targeting needs their approval of their reason for pleading off. TootsNYC, why do you feel entitled to some of her time because shes a member of your family? Jumping from Are you doing anything on the 3rd? to I need to know if youre coming on the 3rd so I know how many pies to bake! would be really confusing. Or you pretend to suddenly get involved in learning new cooking recipes, or working on your car, or doing competitive chess, or something that isnt a once-a-month kind of hobby. Her example story of failing to ride herd on rude white people sufficiently involved being at some luncheon or other with a couple of her grad students from India. I think theres some ask culture vs. guess culture stuff in here too? My nightmare would be something like this: Them: My 6 year old daughter and her class are putting together a full rundown of the classic opera La Traviata in the original Italian and itll end at 11PM on a weekday. If Im bothered by the question, I usually answer back with why ? or why do you ask ?. Nothing much (I have one coworker who now sometimes asks me What are you doing this weekend? You: Oh, I have a few plans but Im free for the good stuff!. How about you? If they push after that, theyre admitting theyre either not listening or not respecting my feelings. But different cultural norms! He would intentionally just hint around until they offered. I hate this question too because likeI dont always pick up on it! How can I ask in a way that minimizes that feeling? I compared to you older friends of mine I see ruining their relationships with their adult children through constant disrespect, but then being bewildered as to why things are going so badly. I dont give any indication as to what I am up to until they tell me what they are up to. That it can be based on something as intangible as a mood. Helen Huntingdon mentioned interruptingI just want to say, thats a helluva an assumption. So I get your point, and thats definitely not what I was asking about. The same old answers get boring, so you should try a little bit of humor at times because you might make someone laugh instead of feeling awkward. We assume you wont want to share all your more detailed baggage or bad news with someone you dont know very well and we are a little taken aback if you actually do because it indicates that you feel a level of closeness with us that we didnt necessarily feel with you. Giving my turtle a haircut. (Id definitely use this for the likely-to-request-babysitting sister, for the recordany time youre asking someone a favor, you lead with that, you dont try to trap them into it!). Makes sense. "Thank you, I appreciate that.". Ill assume thats the case and check back later. And then you get people who let it go there and people who keep fishing (where are your parents from? etc etc because they think its impolite to ask WHAT are you, but they really really want to know, so they know what stereotypes to assign you, as you said, or even because theyre just curious, like youre an object). Its bugged me as an opener for a date until I found this phrasing. Call me. Does *your* phone not work? No.. Theyre so nice and interested, they cant possibly be racist/microaggressive! I kind of like your signature line as a response! It can be so hard to set boundaries with the inlaws! But it needs to be a set rent, that can be codified and set down in a form you could use with any other adult, should the fancy take you. I felt really connected to LW upon reading the letter! Its tiring. I appreciate the suggestions about responses, having to deal with a pushy in-law (nosy for information and has a big sense of entitlement). But people should take turns is different from someone else should always go first (or for gendered/other status reasons, I should always go first). Mother likes to trap me. How to Reply to Online Dating Messages the Right Way I have some friends who are really passive about planning things and it drives me insane I have started actively responding what did you have in mind? and batting back all their attempts to make me plan the night. (This one will definitely keep them guessing.) I think LW is unable to separate people doing something that they personally find annoying, and people intentionally trying to annoy them. Aunt: Are you doing anything this weekend? Even if its only logistically. At least, it never has for me! I've Tried, but No One Listens Hopefully Not as Good as I'll Ever Be If I Was Any Better, Vitamins Would Be Taking Me Okay. We should definetely try to avoid stealth scheduling questions. Best Episode | Law & Order: SVU - Best Episode - Facebook But Im willing to bet that LW knows that, and the reason he/she feels annoyed with the people asking it in his/her life are because theres a pattern and something bigger at work like maybe people trying to get him/her to do stuff, or, as he/she noted, people who want to hang out, but with him/her doing all the planning work. Him: Doing anything fun today? Theyre couched as requests, and a truly good reason would be all the excuse we would need. You went out and you didnt even invite me? he said, Well I asked you if you had plans and you said you were doing homework! Well yeah, because I had no other plans at that time because you did not indicate to me that there were any other options! Turning oxygen into carbon dioxide. Any/all such inquiries get an automatic Unsure have to ask my other half., Sans that Id just go with Unsure. Good luck. I honestly dont know how young people are functioning as well as they are, given that. If I get hungry enough, Ill consider eating them. After decades of various sorts of problem behavior from my father, I literally hit a brick wall of having had enough, and weve been done ever since. Funny Answers To What Are You Doing (WYD) - MomInformed During [business_hours] that's usually within a couple of hours. (Whether there will be some negative family fallback I dont know). You are doing things and going places. I use the phrase same old stuff! In this situation. My current boss is a total jerk. You know the parent is deliberately being controlling if that wont work for me gets any variation on, BUT WHYYYYYYYYYYY.. 04 Mar 2023 17:27:26 If someone challenges me on something, my default response is to assume the other person is right and I am wrong. I shall think on why. It could trick your family members into thinking that you actually have your life together. A lot of the people old enough to have adult children at this point still put phone communication on some kind of pinnacle in their minds, because thats what they grew up with. Not everyone in my life always has. Of course both people will vary from the scripts with personal style and the situation, but that is the general way it can go. But the thing is that people who were born in other contries than here (Sweden) ask me where Im from all the time. 2) They are thinking of asking you to do something with them but are fishing around first because theyre afraid of asking directly right out either afraid of rejection or sometimes afraid of putting you on the spot or sometimes they just feel like it sounds too abrupt and unnatural to just without some chat first. 2. Im an introvert that needs enough time in my week for quieter things around my own home without people. "Weekends are days to refuel your soul and to be grateful for the blessings that you have." - Anonymous 2. Its mostly me trying to figure out a friends general level of free time and not impose if theyre busy or dealing with a crisis. How it came to need an actual (although formulaic) response, Im not sure. And then if Im busy (in truth or not), I can say, Oh sorry. Why? Rob: I'm just leaving for work. The conversation can go like this either way and be appropriate and you not be on the spot either way. Well see you at other times but this ones for us.. If you use the same phrasing with suddenly a dramatically different meaning, its not other peoples fault if they dont know youve changed the meaning on them. Always always have a plan I forgot about until next day. The only exceptions are: 1. (And it also stopped me from being super-duper free to do alllll the weekend shifts. And I agree that literally saying No, I dont want to get to know you better is a bit off. Going back to work? Good, looks like the flowers are coming out (in Spring) Them : Ah, then Ill get back to you (They never get back to you). 53 Fun Things You Can Do This Weekend - LifeHack 4. Because if she werent a family member, Id throw her out on her ear; she sure as hell wouldnt be in my home with all her stuff. It is trickery and so frustrating. 18. k. Yes, I think theres a fairly clear difference between people who ask as small talk (for example, when youre both waiting for the microwave in the staffroom, or waiting at the bus stop after work) and when its done how LW specifies. But dont try to play us off against each other. (And if you are Susie, forget about it!). Or autistic natives; I know this one intellectually, but I still have a lot of trouble remembering in the moment that its usually not a real question, and Im also unsure how to respond when I do remember, because I dont like lying, and Im well/fine is usually a lie for me. 7. Good to know! Nothing? This way, you are always busy when those people ask. This business of hanging on to parental authority as a form of rent, however, has already damaged your relationship, from what youre saying. single. Just about the only good answer is, That doesnt work for me/us, followed by, Asked and answered, when they dont want to take that answer. Theyre almost certainly not trying to pry into information you consider private! Okay, there is something a bit screwy with this guy. Then match the sentences with the correct picture. I get the where are you from? question all the time. No Response. I usually reply with Nothing, in which Nothing means knitting, crocheting or basket weaving and listening to audio books. ! OH ME TOO. In that case, if they have already said theyre free, they might feel trapped into saying yes; I know I would. Its okay that I dont want to tell my coworkers the details of what Im reading and I get to choose who I want to share details of my life with. Just treating it as a question of not disclosing/being private is entirely the wrong approach. Many of your comments in this thread have, in fact. You know, I just had a *very* amusing misunderstanding with a facebook friend who was ranting about MLM (which I thought was the wlw type of MLM). LW, if it makes you feel any better, when many people ask this question, they arent doing it to trap you into something (though some are, of course). "It's Friday baby!! For acquaintances, the way you do in Sweden will also work in the US. The thing about she is family, and I expect family to do X is: Who decides what is necessary, when is it necessary, and who needs to do it? Well see you at other time, but not in the morning.. Well, now I know? And if I run into but surely you dont need BOTH days to yourself? Im also prepared to retort with something like, Maybe you dont, but Im very excited for two days to decompress. The people who are asking what are you doing this weekend? before making a request are taking away the LWs easy out that is, by getting LW to admit that he/she/they are free, the option to refuse with Oh, sorry, I have plans already is no longer there. I am a Guess person, and that is not going to change (and I often feel annoyed at people who seem to think that it shouldmy brain wiring is okay, too! Because Im white, I fortunately have the privilege of knowing that 9 times out of 10 its just genuine curiosity and an attempt at polite small talk (theres always the 1 thats still xenophobic, though, like the cashier who blurted out when are you leaving, then? or the psychiatrist who refused me medical treatment because I should be going back to my home country soon anywayIm married and staying here, sorry to disappoint). She didnt have other plans; she just wanted to draw a line in the sand about him telling her what to do. 12 Best Answers to "How's Your Day Going?" - Grammarhow Youll all be healthier and live longer if they learn some manners in how they treat you. I have done that just doing errands/washing the car/housekeeping/taxes/library/walking the dog you? and still gotten a but are you doing anything FUN follow-up question(s). Another interesting look at how varied cultural/regional norms and peoples own experiences can be. It seems to me to have grown somehow out of how do you do, to which the appropriate response was, of course, how do you do. Maybe I wont be all that interested in helping her someday. On the other hand, that was a while ago. What works for you? Later the grad students said the table turned to remarking on the professor as soon as she was out of earshot, including their surprise that she could be a professor of engineering. I have trouble entertaining myself sometimes, I definitely dont want to try to entertain babies and pets. Now most parents dont really mean anything bad by this (theyre just used to being able to control their childs time and havent stopped to consider thats a rude way to treat an adult), so responding every time they try this with, Why, whats up? wont be a problem, followed by, that wont work for me if the invitation isnt something the adult child wants to do. I dislike being asked this question too, except in my case its more that I dont want to be asked this question by coworkers, ever. And I have an aunt who, when I was younger, my preferring to do nothing plans often translated in her head to free babysitting for her boys. No other adult would be here. I dont think my friends are trying to put me on the spot at all. Its okay that I usually watch movies/play videogames/read all weekend and those arent shameful hobbies. I wish people could just say I want to do (thing) do you want to do (thing) with me?, All I can tell ya is what I have been doing for years: Number 6 is my answer to " why don t u want to have kids ? Speaking about sudden change of moods and plans, and friends getting you: Several years ago, at the phone, ten minutes before a scheduled meeting with my friends in a pub to watch the incoming results of the Brexit referendum. Ahhhh the family stuff. Ive never found it made any difference at all for invitations its not like I told them how much time each activity Im doing will require or what other boring chores I will also be doing. Just because at that one time it wasnt true doesnt mean that her reaction was irrational. (And boy howdy, did she get pissy when I responded with not really. We did NOT live together well.). So nowadays Ill say something like Im probably going to do [X], but thats not urgent if you want to hang out instead! or I need to do [X] but I have time for a quick dinner if youre interested. (People who are not the boything get oh, Ive got laundry because theres almost nobody else Im willing to make same-day plans with. I also use ooh, Im not sure whether Im driving my stepson to his Dads that weekend, Ill have to check for longer-term put-offs. 86 Funny and Flirty Responses To 'How Are You Doing?' - Monk at 25 If someone asked why I was asking such a nosy question, I would apology-barf all over them, then call my wife, my mother, and my best friend and ask them what I was supposed to do instead. 200 Best Sarcastic Quotes and Funny Sarcasm Sayings - Parade Read. Man, that sounds great, but I know Im forgetting something on my calendar. @IndoorCatI appreciate your comments. Thats fair. 20 Funny Out-of-Office Messages to Inspire Your Own [+ Templates] - HubSpot Answer vaguely. In the UK, most encounters respond with fine/good/grand, how are you?, In formal encounters, respond with how are you?. Hey, Reddit, how was your weekend? : r/funny You can begin with, "I hope this email finds you well," which has the same meaning as "Hope you are doing well". Like, say you pretend to take up crochet, and designate working on my crochet projects/gifts as your backup plan, and so when people you know are assholes about this ask you have the backup plan. All right, good, fine, grand are the normal answers, and then its repeated back. I have learned over my decade plus of retail experience that the key to small talk that doesnt annoy people is to feel out what they seem excited to talk about. That is AMAZING and I love Gladys (and you) and that is going directly into my repertoire for Dealing With Those Extroverts. See how thats all about you, and your kids, and not at all about her? Oh LW this might be one of my very biggest pet peeves. So I think it makes sense to feel that threatening eviction / charging rent could be harmful. Its really not you, its them. 30 Best Replies To "What's Up?" (Funny & Friendly) If its not something Im into, I feel pressure to say yes because she knows Im not busy. I think theres a frustratingI dont know what to call it, but adding monetary transaction to a relationship doesnt always make it better. What are you doing Saturday? might be an attempt to be extra polite about making an invitation, but it only works if the person wants to accept, and its only necessary if the person is too shy to say no. (And this is all, of course, assuming I dont want to go. I BET YOU WILL LAUGH - Funny videos - YouTube What are you up to this weekend? Sometimes, it's good to be a little silly and fun! Them (if it was an invitation prequel) would Thursday at noon work for you?, Them We need to have lunch soon Unless youre at the stage of an established friendship where you have agreed to get together for dinner every other Saturday, or are discussing plans for the next visit to your long-distance sweetie during this visit, any actual social plan is only going to happen after someone risks discovering that the other person is less interested than they are. Sorry friends, but bears, Zombies, whateverwe're gonna have to leave you behind. In my case its also true (OH is much better at executive function than me). The first time I heard this, I wondered who opened my brain while I was sleeping and pulled the song out and put it in a movie soundtrack. This is how I feel too. Thursday is awful for me rushing all day invites the questioner to drop the topic, and Nothing, how about you invites the questioner to ask you to the fun thing. What are some funny or witty responses for when someone ask you - Quora Some people here do not really do much small talk, so even asking How are you? might lead to a long description of ones health.

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